In the midst of my walk through the bitter cold, whose wind still penetrated my five layers of clothing, I mentally dictated my pondering. My thoughts and questions are recited for only me to hear.
Now today is another day. I have slept and have awoken this morning desperately trying to recoup those words which at the time seemed to have so much meaning.
The memories slowly come back. Those grand thoughts seem to not have the same luster they once did. My bout of creative genius and divine poetry, which was sure to captivate all of whom came in contact, has surely been lost to the ether. Once again the brilliance is cast off into the universe.
I hide behind words on a page. I only show what I want to be seen or heard. Expressing oneself through writing is fraught with danger. Once it is written it can’t be undone after it has been read. It is a consequence no amount of editing can resolve. Conversations can often be forgotten. The written word is often read again and again. It is analyzed and criticized. It may be skewed to benefit the reader. Their own thoughts interfering with its true meaning.
I contemplate how much control we have in this game called life. Are we in charge of our destiny or does everyone around us decide our fate?
I may be repeating myself here. My revelations are a constant repetition.
After reading a simple text I myself may tend to over analyze its contents. I may find the hidden agenda in the process. Is all that has been said and done before those words suddenly cast off into the void. These may be the effects of the human psyche wanting to find an answer without taking the courage to just ask a question which would give the truth.
So some of us sit and contemplate our fate. We want to hold onto that little something that we had. Does it make us weak or are we hopeless dreamers?
I guess I’ll go back to my original thoughts. The thoughts in the cold dead of night. The thoughts of who I am. Though you seem to think I have some type of experience. That experience is I tend to want what I can’t have. The harder it is to achieve the more I want it.
The more I live the more I believe of a higher power wanting to make life a challenge for me.
These are just some of the words I share. The rest remain hidden. Locked away in hopes of another day.