Woke up in a fog
I woke up today feeling a bit of brain fog. Some good coffee and breakfast should help. Here I am at my little blog. The one nobody knows about. The one that I think is safe for me to write about what goes on in this little noggin’. Somewhere I can talk about relationships. You know the ones that make you think “What if?”.
What if we met at a different time? What if I acted a little differently? By different I mean more like myself. The person who is smart, funny, and witty. Another time when I wasn’t at such a low point in my life.
I never thought that it would happen but it did. I realized I have feelings and emotions. Damn it, even though it seems so toxic, I fell. Fell in love. That four letter word that seems so taboo to me. I was quite careful. Perhaps sabotaging it. Just in case I wasn’t ready for another relationship.
Now it’s seems as though I really don’t know them anymore. I would like to meet again. Start everything over. Of course, that may never happen. It’s my fault really. My fault for being attracted to women with a strong will. The type that wouldn’t put up with my bullshit. Maybe for a little while. That gets old after a while.
I’ve written so many letters. Letters in my mind. Too afraid to write them down. In fear I may seem too clingy and weak. That’s what love does to you though. It’s makes you weak and vulnerable. So that is why I am here. Typing these thoughts out. Getting them out of my head.
That’s what this little corner of the internet is for. An outlet. An outlet for my random nonsense. A way to express myself. My way to get out of this depression. That way next time things would be so different.